Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
