Non-Jews are for practice
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
