I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
kristin has been a bad kristin
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
