How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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