Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
