she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
