I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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