I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
