It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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