i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
