once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
