I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
