Pants 0. Shit 1.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
