I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
