Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
