I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
