i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
