You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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