how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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