So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
