Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
PANTIES FOUND
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
