i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
from now on my penis is your penis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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