Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
