my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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