There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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