i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
