no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
