my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
