omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
