Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
