My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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