Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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