very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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