i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
