so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
