it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
