I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
