The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
