So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sorry about my life...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
