Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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