Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
