do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
