Do you still have your period?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
