Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
