my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
