i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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