omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
