my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
