i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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