All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
