Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
